Okay, this post won't have much to do with rock & roll, but it is October, and I do enjoy some good rock. Oh, actually, I've got something to review. I'll get to that next post.
First, my Magic game has significantly improved. I went 3-1 at the Zendikar release on the strength of a good Landfall deck, and a couple of Friday Night Magics ago, I won the whole thing (earning a Misty Rainforest and a Marsh Flats for my efforts, both $15-20 cards right now). So that was cool. But then something happened. I stopped doing as well. I went 1-2 at Zendikar Game Day, where my beloved Devour deck got easily dismantled by Vampires. The following Friday Night Magic, I went 1-2 again on a surprisingly weak red-white aggro deck. And I didn't take it very well. I was all grumpy and grumbly, and frankly, not a good sport about the whole thing. So I took a step back and looked at the whole thing. I realized, okay, I'm supposed to be having FUN doing this, right? So I need to have fun. I started letting competitiveness get in the way of enjoying myself. So last night, I took my homemade Landfall deck to the Standard Constructed tournament, and I went 0-3. BUT! I had a good attitude about the whole thing, and it helped that I was able to pull off a sick combo of Baloth Woodcrasher + 3 Harrows for 28 damage in one swing. I had what I guess is called a "Timmy" moment. I was all, "YES! This is why I play Magic!" I still got my butt kicked in that match by Vampires, but I had fun. :)
Then another funny thing happened last night. I forgot to take 50mg of my 75mg dose of Anafranil. And I had a surprisingly crisp mental day today. The great thing about Anafranil is that it boosts my mood and helps me to let go of unwanted thoughts. The not-so-great thing is that it covers up bad moods and stifles motivation, and hinders my ability to hold onto wanted thoughts. So today I found myself energized, awake, alert, motivated, and thinking more sharply than I have in quite while. And I didn't suffer any kind of "moody" effects. Win! I happened to have an appointment with my psychiatrist today, and I told her what happened. I also told her how my moods have been stabilizing, and how I'm not as concerned about stopping "unwanted" thoughts as I used to be, and how I've improved in a lot of my higher-level attitudes about stuff (religion, recovery, etc.). She was all "Good for you!" and gave me her blessing to come down from 75mg to 50mg. So I'm gonna do that and see how it goes. Neat!
Another funny thing has happened. My soon-to-be-ex-wife is getting hooked on Magic. I've been telling her about it, and she became curious, and she got totally sucked into it. Now she wants to buy all kinds of cards and build decks and play and stuff. It's funny. :) An interesting thing I've noted about all of this is how much "hobby" type stuff we have in common now that we've been separated for almost two years. We've both rediscovered music, exercising, recovery (in a non-co-dependent way), and now Magic. It's the kind of thing where it could easily make a guy jealous ("Gee, I wish my wife liked Rush and played Magic..."), but it doesn't even faze me anymore. Because I know that there's a hell of a lot more to relationships than shared interests. Shared interests are important, but successful communication and problem-solving are infinitely more so. Without the ability to work out differences, there's no room for anything else. So, I consider it a lesson learned.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
Concert Review - Sunny Day Real Estate
I've had an odd relationship with this band over the years, mostly ambivalent appreciation, tempered by skepticism in reaction to hyperbolic veneration and adoration. Basically, a lot of entities I respected were gushing about their 1994 album Diary, and while I liked it, I didn't understand the "hype."
What frustrated me even more was the "emo" tag. In the mid-to-late-90's, lots of indie-rock bands were coming out with a similar sound and style as SDRE, and they were being called "emo," with SDRE being the originators of the sound. What was frustrating to me was the disconnect with what my understand was of "emo." At the time, "emo" to me refered to "emo-core," a style of hardcore/punk with a more melodic (or "emotional") style, and SDRE didn't resemble punk rock or hardcore at all. Good, sure. Alternative, sure. Emo, not so much.
My frustration grew over the years as bands like Mineral, The Promise Ring, Jimmy Eat World, and Appleseed Cast were touted as the next big thing(s) in Emo, while the style of emo-core I knew and loved faded into relative obscurity (the major exception being Thursday in the early 2000's). So I moved on to prog-rock, but that's another story altogether. I noted the SDRE "reunion" in the late 90's into the early 2000's, but I didn't think much of it.
So then out of the blue I hear from my friend John, "wanna go see SDRE?" I found out they were reuniting with the "classic" lineup from Diary, and John had an extra ticket. Sure, why not. God knows I need to get out and especially see live music more often. They were on tour, and they were playing at the Metro in Chicago, just a few blocks away from Wrigley Field, which was kinda neat (though I am required by Wisconsin law to hate the Cubs).
I tried not to have any great expectations of the thing, but I inwardly knew that it was kind of a big deal. I enjoyed some of the other bands of the emo-alterna-rock variety, and I always knew that SDRE did it better than anybody else, and I was looking forward to see how they would be live.
Well, first I had to stand around for quite a long time (which I haven't done in a long long time.. my legs were very tired by the end of the night .. yes, I'm getting old) and listen politely to the opening band. They were called Jealous [something], and they were from Los Angeles. They sounded like every other second-rate SDRE clone. A couple of their songs were a little interesting, executed with passable passion (and, uh, emotion), but for the most part they were, in the words of another attendee, "bland and inoffensive."
When SDRE came out, the audience was obviously very excited, which I thought was kinda neat, but whatever. By the end of the second song, I had been completely drawn into the experience. The band played very tightly together, and the sound was wonderful (well, the bass was kinda muddy, but whatever). They played with a lot of passion and precision, and the songs that I was familiar with came to life with intensity and excitement. Their music consisted of thick, rich chord structures, catchy rhythms and melodies, and lots of .. uh, well, emotion. Singer Jeremy Enigk's voice is very unique, and sounds even better live than on record. I couldn't understand most of what he was singing about, but hey, that's SDRE.
They played about a dozen songs, about half of which came from Diary. They debuted a new song, which sounded promising. Talking with the audience between songs, they gave the impression that it wasn't just a "reunion thing," but possibly a "we're back together" thing. I would love to see them continue where they left off in the mid-90's.
Excellent show. I wouldn't quite say that I was "blown away," but I highly enjoyed the show. These guys are true musicians, and Sunny Day Real Estate is the Real Thing. It's the kind of thing that reminds me why I love music so much. 2 thumbs up.
[Side note .. the date also marked 4 months of sobriety for me. Yay!]
Next up: Zendikar!
What frustrated me even more was the "emo" tag. In the mid-to-late-90's, lots of indie-rock bands were coming out with a similar sound and style as SDRE, and they were being called "emo," with SDRE being the originators of the sound. What was frustrating to me was the disconnect with what my understand was of "emo." At the time, "emo" to me refered to "emo-core," a style of hardcore/punk with a more melodic (or "emotional") style, and SDRE didn't resemble punk rock or hardcore at all. Good, sure. Alternative, sure. Emo, not so much.
My frustration grew over the years as bands like Mineral, The Promise Ring, Jimmy Eat World, and Appleseed Cast were touted as the next big thing(s) in Emo, while the style of emo-core I knew and loved faded into relative obscurity (the major exception being Thursday in the early 2000's). So I moved on to prog-rock, but that's another story altogether. I noted the SDRE "reunion" in the late 90's into the early 2000's, but I didn't think much of it.
So then out of the blue I hear from my friend John, "wanna go see SDRE?" I found out they were reuniting with the "classic" lineup from Diary, and John had an extra ticket. Sure, why not. God knows I need to get out and especially see live music more often. They were on tour, and they were playing at the Metro in Chicago, just a few blocks away from Wrigley Field, which was kinda neat (though I am required by Wisconsin law to hate the Cubs).
I tried not to have any great expectations of the thing, but I inwardly knew that it was kind of a big deal. I enjoyed some of the other bands of the emo-alterna-rock variety, and I always knew that SDRE did it better than anybody else, and I was looking forward to see how they would be live.
Well, first I had to stand around for quite a long time (which I haven't done in a long long time.. my legs were very tired by the end of the night .. yes, I'm getting old) and listen politely to the opening band. They were called Jealous [something], and they were from Los Angeles. They sounded like every other second-rate SDRE clone. A couple of their songs were a little interesting, executed with passable passion (and, uh, emotion), but for the most part they were, in the words of another attendee, "bland and inoffensive."
When SDRE came out, the audience was obviously very excited, which I thought was kinda neat, but whatever. By the end of the second song, I had been completely drawn into the experience. The band played very tightly together, and the sound was wonderful (well, the bass was kinda muddy, but whatever). They played with a lot of passion and precision, and the songs that I was familiar with came to life with intensity and excitement. Their music consisted of thick, rich chord structures, catchy rhythms and melodies, and lots of .. uh, well, emotion. Singer Jeremy Enigk's voice is very unique, and sounds even better live than on record. I couldn't understand most of what he was singing about, but hey, that's SDRE.
They played about a dozen songs, about half of which came from Diary. They debuted a new song, which sounded promising. Talking with the audience between songs, they gave the impression that it wasn't just a "reunion thing," but possibly a "we're back together" thing. I would love to see them continue where they left off in the mid-90's.
Excellent show. I wouldn't quite say that I was "blown away," but I highly enjoyed the show. These guys are true musicians, and Sunny Day Real Estate is the Real Thing. It's the kind of thing that reminds me why I love music so much. 2 thumbs up.
[Side note .. the date also marked 4 months of sobriety for me. Yay!]
Next up: Zendikar!
Monday, September 14, 2009
Friday Night Magic - 9/11/09, and other miscellany
I've been doing my Magic homework lately, and it's finally paying off. I attended an M10 draft at Friday Night Magic this last weekend, and not only did I break my FNM winless streak, but I actually won 2 out of 3 matches! When I was drafting my deck, I was kinda flailing around, not knowing what color(s) to commit to. I started out kinda blue with Air Elemental, but had a hard time committing to it when other good blue cards didn't come my way. I thought about going black with Doom Blade, and white with a flier and/or defender or three, but I ended up going green, with Howl of the Night Pack and Overrun. I drafted a few more blue "control" spells, a few more blue flying creatures, and some green beasts to do the dirty work of combat.
The first match was very close. I won both games, the second one after narrowly Fogging my way out an attack from a certain pissed-off goblin. The second match I didn't do nearly as well, and I was beat pretty easily. I think the first game I stayed competitive for a while, but my opponent was playing a good, well-balanced, and annoying blue/black deck, featuring TWO Air Elementals and a bunch of other blue fliers.
The last match started out annoying for both of us. I lost the first one because of mana-screw, and he lost the second one because of mana-screw. So for the third (and last) game, I said, "Okay, this time for real!", and I proceeded to win pretty decisively.
I ended up finishing 4th (out of 8) in my "pod," which enabled me to rare-draft a few good cards. I got an Ant Queen, Lurking Predators, Shivan Dragon, and another one that I can't remember. The Queen and the Predators will go wonderfully in the green mana-ramp deck I'm mentally planning.
Which reminds me of a recent purchase I'm very excited about. I bought a bunch of booster packs lately, from Alara & M10, and I was super duper happy excited to finally pick up an Elvish Archdruid .. a foil one no less! I love this card. It's tempting to go and spend the money to get a whole set of 4 of them right now, but I need to be patient. My green deck is slowly but surely coming together. I'm also VERY excited about some of the cards that have been "spoiled" from Zendikar so far. The whole "adventure" theme looks like it'll work really well, and there could be some pretty sick decks emerging in the coming months. I hope to be somewhere near the forefront of it all, and it'll probably involve buying a box of booster packs at some point. But hey, that's Magic.
I'm also continually surprised at how much dang FUN it has been getting into Magic again. I love building decks and playing them .. casually and competitively. Sometimes I get my butt kicked, sometimes I kick butt, but it's always fun. There's something about Magic that really gets my brain fired up like nothing else. I actually get a little "high" from it. My head gets kinda swimmy and endorphiny and my heartrate goes up ... It's pretty cool. I'm hoping to be able to harness all that energy into creating good in my life.
And I think it already has. I like metaphors, and it seems like Magic is a good metaphor for where I'm at right now. I've been having a good couple months. I'm getting myself re-established as a person outside the context of a relationship, and I like it. I'm enjoying myself. I'm learning about myself, and it's not all horrible and doom & gloom. There are still unpleasant things, but they're becoming more manageable. I feel like my life is moving in the right direction and that I'm making tangible forward progress.
The first match was very close. I won both games, the second one after narrowly Fogging my way out an attack from a certain pissed-off goblin. The second match I didn't do nearly as well, and I was beat pretty easily. I think the first game I stayed competitive for a while, but my opponent was playing a good, well-balanced, and annoying blue/black deck, featuring TWO Air Elementals and a bunch of other blue fliers.
The last match started out annoying for both of us. I lost the first one because of mana-screw, and he lost the second one because of mana-screw. So for the third (and last) game, I said, "Okay, this time for real!", and I proceeded to win pretty decisively.
I ended up finishing 4th (out of 8) in my "pod," which enabled me to rare-draft a few good cards. I got an Ant Queen, Lurking Predators, Shivan Dragon, and another one that I can't remember. The Queen and the Predators will go wonderfully in the green mana-ramp deck I'm mentally planning.
Which reminds me of a recent purchase I'm very excited about. I bought a bunch of booster packs lately, from Alara & M10, and I was super duper happy excited to finally pick up an Elvish Archdruid .. a foil one no less! I love this card. It's tempting to go and spend the money to get a whole set of 4 of them right now, but I need to be patient. My green deck is slowly but surely coming together. I'm also VERY excited about some of the cards that have been "spoiled" from Zendikar so far. The whole "adventure" theme looks like it'll work really well, and there could be some pretty sick decks emerging in the coming months. I hope to be somewhere near the forefront of it all, and it'll probably involve buying a box of booster packs at some point. But hey, that's Magic.
I'm also continually surprised at how much dang FUN it has been getting into Magic again. I love building decks and playing them .. casually and competitively. Sometimes I get my butt kicked, sometimes I kick butt, but it's always fun. There's something about Magic that really gets my brain fired up like nothing else. I actually get a little "high" from it. My head gets kinda swimmy and endorphiny and my heartrate goes up ... It's pretty cool. I'm hoping to be able to harness all that energy into creating good in my life.
And I think it already has. I like metaphors, and it seems like Magic is a good metaphor for where I'm at right now. I've been having a good couple months. I'm getting myself re-established as a person outside the context of a relationship, and I like it. I'm enjoying myself. I'm learning about myself, and it's not all horrible and doom & gloom. There are still unpleasant things, but they're becoming more manageable. I feel like my life is moving in the right direction and that I'm making tangible forward progress.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Music Review: Jesse Bishop - Blaster Master (MP3)
As I've mentioned on this thing before, I was (and still am) a Nintendo freak. Back in the heyday of the Nintendo Entertainment System, my dad would rent games for me, and I would get right to work on beating them. The number of games I've finished for the NES (and later, the Super NES) numbered in the hundreds. So I've pretty much played (and heard) most everything the console had to offer. After a while, a lot of these games get all mixed together in my memory, and I couldn't tell you Shatterhand from Power Blade from Journey to Silius. I remember enjoying those games, but I couldn't tell you anything about them.
Blaster Master was one of those games that stood out from the pack. It was fun to play, it was challenging but not enragingly difficult, and the graphics and sound were very well done. Even after the NES gave way to the 16-bit era, I revisited this game every so often, and I always enjoyed doing so.
One thing that began to stand out to me was the game's music. The theme behind Area 1 was a driving, catchy number that set an excellent tone for the game's Exciting Adventure. Area 4 had a creepy, reptilian theme that fit its sewer setting. Area 5 was the obligatory "underwater level," and had a lovely flowing soundtrack. Area 7, the "fire level," had a rocking, up-tempo theme.
I'd been waiting for almost a decade now for someone to give this soundtrack the treatment it deserves, but the closet I've came was 1/4 of one track from the Minibosses. They did a good job with the Sewer theme, but it left me wanting MOAR. The out of the blue, on the Minibosses message board, Concatenation Records announced the release of Jesse Bishop's rocked-up interpretation of the entire soundtrack. I previewed some tracks and ended up shelling out $5 for it, and I'm glad I did!
For the most part, Bishop has done an excellent job fleshing out the original soundtrack's tunes and giving them a modern sound. Most of the melodies and basslines are played on thick, edgy analog (or analog-sounding) synthesizers. Some tracks have an electronic beat behind them, giving a discotheque feel, but most have a drum kit propelling the music forward with a rock beat. Both approaches work quite well. The synthesized sounds of Area 6 make me want to groove, the thrash of Area 7 makes me want to bang my head, and the boss music appropriately stresses me out. It feels very consistent throughout, and probably more importantly, it vividly brings each portion of the game to life.
The exception (in my opinion) is the Area 5 (underwater) theme, which has been inexplicably turned into a hoedown. It's well done, but it's a marked deviation from the rest of the collection. I can probably get used to it, but ... Yeah. I guess I just don't get it.
But overall, I really like this. Just like the game that inspired this project, I'm sure will be revisiting this music regularly for quite some time.
Blaster Master was one of those games that stood out from the pack. It was fun to play, it was challenging but not enragingly difficult, and the graphics and sound were very well done. Even after the NES gave way to the 16-bit era, I revisited this game every so often, and I always enjoyed doing so.
One thing that began to stand out to me was the game's music. The theme behind Area 1 was a driving, catchy number that set an excellent tone for the game's Exciting Adventure. Area 4 had a creepy, reptilian theme that fit its sewer setting. Area 5 was the obligatory "underwater level," and had a lovely flowing soundtrack. Area 7, the "fire level," had a rocking, up-tempo theme.
I'd been waiting for almost a decade now for someone to give this soundtrack the treatment it deserves, but the closet I've came was 1/4 of one track from the Minibosses. They did a good job with the Sewer theme, but it left me wanting MOAR. The out of the blue, on the Minibosses message board, Concatenation Records announced the release of Jesse Bishop's rocked-up interpretation of the entire soundtrack. I previewed some tracks and ended up shelling out $5 for it, and I'm glad I did!
For the most part, Bishop has done an excellent job fleshing out the original soundtrack's tunes and giving them a modern sound. Most of the melodies and basslines are played on thick, edgy analog (or analog-sounding) synthesizers. Some tracks have an electronic beat behind them, giving a discotheque feel, but most have a drum kit propelling the music forward with a rock beat. Both approaches work quite well. The synthesized sounds of Area 6 make me want to groove, the thrash of Area 7 makes me want to bang my head, and the boss music appropriately stresses me out. It feels very consistent throughout, and probably more importantly, it vividly brings each portion of the game to life.
The exception (in my opinion) is the Area 5 (underwater) theme, which has been inexplicably turned into a hoedown. It's well done, but it's a marked deviation from the rest of the collection. I can probably get used to it, but ... Yeah. I guess I just don't get it.
But overall, I really like this. Just like the game that inspired this project, I'm sure will be revisiting this music regularly for quite some time.
Psychological Breakthroughs
Wow, it's been almost a month since I've posted. Hmmm. Well, a lot has happened between my ears in that time. I had a moderate epiphany last week about my Recovery issues, connecting some dots between various psycho-emotional issues. I'm not sure if this is the proper forum to get into the details, but suffice it to say that I no longer feel as desperately desperate for romantic validation and affirmation. Good stuff.
In the meantime, I had a good time at the Magic 2010 pre-release & release events. I mostly got my butt kicked, but it's still fun. I also went to my first Thursday casual play & trade thingy and had a really good time. I even picked up another Dragon Broodmother for participating in a Two-Headed Giant tournament. This is definitely going into my Devour deck. My partner had a vintage 1994 Kobalds deck, so it was fun reminiscing and stuff. Good times. :)
In the meantime, I had a good time at the Magic 2010 pre-release & release events. I mostly got my butt kicked, but it's still fun. I also went to my first Thursday casual play & trade thingy and had a really good time. I even picked up another Dragon Broodmother for participating in a Two-Headed Giant tournament. This is definitely going into my Devour deck. My partner had a vintage 1994 Kobalds deck, so it was fun reminiscing and stuff. Good times. :)
Saturday, July 11, 2009
La Fête de Marquette - Saturday, 7/11/09
I made another venture out of my comfort zone today. I went to the Saturday edition of "La Fete de Marquette," a neighborhood festival for Madison's uber-l33t near-East side.
I first got the idea a few weeks ago on a whim. Someone from work forwarded an email from WYOU looking for volunteers for their booth at the Marquette Neighborhood Waterfront Festival. I went for it, feeling very nervous, yet very excited at the chance to force myself to meet some people and offer my time for a good cause. Yes, I do think community-supported media is a worthy cause. Plus, we made them air the first (and only) VOTAR live performance, so I guess I owed them something.
Anyway, it ended up being a really good experience. I met some nice people, and actually got to help out a little bit. And I saw a really great band too, which is always a bonus.
So anyway, the lady from WYOU said they might need some help at La Fete, so I volunteered to make myself available. Turns out they didn't actually need my help, but after perusing the festival's schedule, I decided I'd go anyway, just for myself. I wasn't disappointed.
The fest has kind of a "French" theme, and the musical acts drew from French influences ranging from Quebec to Louisiana to France to Algeria to Mali to Cape Verde. (Well, Cape Verde isn't very French, but whatever...) There was an excellent selection of food & drink from a wide variety of local caterers, including your typical beer & brats, Laotian, Cajun, slushies & floats, etc.
The first act I caught was Robin Pluer backed by Mrs. Fun, all hailing from Milwaukee. Robin Pluer is an R&B/French singer, and Mrs. Fun is a keyboard & drums jazz duo. The music they played was VERY French ... it sounded like something one might have heard in a French WWII-era night club. Traditional folky and/or loungy kinda stuff. I'd seen Mrs. Fun a few times in the past do their fun jazz thing, but they shifted gears somewhat to do the Frenchy thing, and quite good too. The keyboard player looked like she was having a lot of fun playing (, and that with the singer's charisma made for a good show. They also had a dude playing guest accordion on a few songs. Neat.
Next up was Chic Gamine, hailing mostly from Montreal (with one of them from Winnipeg). They were a mostly a vocal group, with four female singers (sometimes playing backup instruments, but mostly using their voices as instruments) and a dude playing a drum kit and lending a few vocals here and there. The style of their music was a blend of traditional-sounding stuff with a strong R&B flavor. Not necessarily my kinda thing, but it was enjoyable. It probably didn't help that the sun was really bright and in my eyes the whole time. But whatever.
I took a break to get some food. I enjoyed some Laotian chicken fried rice, which was a lot like Chinese chicken fried rice, except a little more flavorful and a little less MSG-ish. Maybe, I dunno. I washed it down with a nice Thai iced tea. Good stuff.
Watcha Clan played next, a fun blend various Mediterranean traditions with a heavy electronic implementation. The band, hailing partly from France and partly from Algeria, consisted mostly of a singer, a bass player, and a multi-electonics dude (keyboards, sequenced beats, samples, etc.). Most songs they were joined by a 4th dude who played guitars. Sometimes one or more of them would play little percussion thingies, a nice flavoring to the rhythm-heavy mix. I'd describe the music as having a strong foundation of Middle-Eastern & North-African influenced rhythms, implemented mostly by electronic sequencing, over which pulses a persistent bassline, and ultimately led by dark French-flavored melodies and other musical backdrops. These guys clearly were at home on stage, performing and getting their music on. It was really delightful to watch their enthusiasm spill over seamlessly into their playing and stage presence. Awesome. If I was a dancin' man, I'd have been gettin my groove on, srsly. My personal favorite of the day.
Balla Tounkara, from Mali, had the unenviable task of following up, but he and his band were definitely up to the task, and put on another good show. Balla Tounkara plays the kora, an interesting 21-stringed African harp-like instrument. His band consisted of a drummer, a percussionist, a bassist, and a backup singer/dancer. I like plucked-instrument sounds a lot, and the kora has a beautiful sound, but something seemed missing to me, like they could have used another instrument to fill out the sound. But maybe that's just my stupid white-guy American ears, I dunno. I still enjoyed it, even if it did sound kinda samey after a while. For the last song, he let a little girl come on stage and show off her mad hula hoop skillz. It was very cute.
Headlining the night was Lura, a Cape Verdean singer with a very smooth & slick jazzy tropical sound. It sounded like the kinda thing I might expect to see at night at a cafe in the Caribbean or something. Both Lura and her band were excellent musicians and performers, but I wasn't really into their "thing." On a different day, though, I might have been more into it. Or maybe it's because the overall energy level decreased from Watcha Clan to Balle Tounkara to Lura. This, combined with my decreasing stage view (more people standing in front of me), led me to leave early. Oh well.
I didn't really socialize much. The WYOU lady did go out of her way to say hi to me, and that was nice, but I didn't really converse with anyone else. That's okay... I didn't really intend to. I would have liked to, but I didn't want to "force" anything. So I just sat back, enjoyed the weather, and enjoyed the music. All in all, a good experience, and I'm glad I did it.
I first got the idea a few weeks ago on a whim. Someone from work forwarded an email from WYOU looking for volunteers for their booth at the Marquette Neighborhood Waterfront Festival. I went for it, feeling very nervous, yet very excited at the chance to force myself to meet some people and offer my time for a good cause. Yes, I do think community-supported media is a worthy cause. Plus, we made them air the first (and only) VOTAR live performance, so I guess I owed them something.
Anyway, it ended up being a really good experience. I met some nice people, and actually got to help out a little bit. And I saw a really great band too, which is always a bonus.
So anyway, the lady from WYOU said they might need some help at La Fete, so I volunteered to make myself available. Turns out they didn't actually need my help, but after perusing the festival's schedule, I decided I'd go anyway, just for myself. I wasn't disappointed.
The fest has kind of a "French" theme, and the musical acts drew from French influences ranging from Quebec to Louisiana to France to Algeria to Mali to Cape Verde. (Well, Cape Verde isn't very French, but whatever...) There was an excellent selection of food & drink from a wide variety of local caterers, including your typical beer & brats, Laotian, Cajun, slushies & floats, etc.
The first act I caught was Robin Pluer backed by Mrs. Fun, all hailing from Milwaukee. Robin Pluer is an R&B/French singer, and Mrs. Fun is a keyboard & drums jazz duo. The music they played was VERY French ... it sounded like something one might have heard in a French WWII-era night club. Traditional folky and/or loungy kinda stuff. I'd seen Mrs. Fun a few times in the past do their fun jazz thing, but they shifted gears somewhat to do the Frenchy thing, and quite good too. The keyboard player looked like she was having a lot of fun playing (, and that with the singer's charisma made for a good show. They also had a dude playing guest accordion on a few songs. Neat.
Next up was Chic Gamine, hailing mostly from Montreal (with one of them from Winnipeg). They were a mostly a vocal group, with four female singers (sometimes playing backup instruments, but mostly using their voices as instruments) and a dude playing a drum kit and lending a few vocals here and there. The style of their music was a blend of traditional-sounding stuff with a strong R&B flavor. Not necessarily my kinda thing, but it was enjoyable. It probably didn't help that the sun was really bright and in my eyes the whole time. But whatever.
I took a break to get some food. I enjoyed some Laotian chicken fried rice, which was a lot like Chinese chicken fried rice, except a little more flavorful and a little less MSG-ish. Maybe, I dunno. I washed it down with a nice Thai iced tea. Good stuff.
Watcha Clan played next, a fun blend various Mediterranean traditions with a heavy electronic implementation. The band, hailing partly from France and partly from Algeria, consisted mostly of a singer, a bass player, and a multi-electonics dude (keyboards, sequenced beats, samples, etc.). Most songs they were joined by a 4th dude who played guitars. Sometimes one or more of them would play little percussion thingies, a nice flavoring to the rhythm-heavy mix. I'd describe the music as having a strong foundation of Middle-Eastern & North-African influenced rhythms, implemented mostly by electronic sequencing, over which pulses a persistent bassline, and ultimately led by dark French-flavored melodies and other musical backdrops. These guys clearly were at home on stage, performing and getting their music on. It was really delightful to watch their enthusiasm spill over seamlessly into their playing and stage presence. Awesome. If I was a dancin' man, I'd have been gettin my groove on, srsly. My personal favorite of the day.
Balla Tounkara, from Mali, had the unenviable task of following up, but he and his band were definitely up to the task, and put on another good show. Balla Tounkara plays the kora, an interesting 21-stringed African harp-like instrument. His band consisted of a drummer, a percussionist, a bassist, and a backup singer/dancer. I like plucked-instrument sounds a lot, and the kora has a beautiful sound, but something seemed missing to me, like they could have used another instrument to fill out the sound. But maybe that's just my stupid white-guy American ears, I dunno. I still enjoyed it, even if it did sound kinda samey after a while. For the last song, he let a little girl come on stage and show off her mad hula hoop skillz. It was very cute.
Headlining the night was Lura, a Cape Verdean singer with a very smooth & slick jazzy tropical sound. It sounded like the kinda thing I might expect to see at night at a cafe in the Caribbean or something. Both Lura and her band were excellent musicians and performers, but I wasn't really into their "thing." On a different day, though, I might have been more into it. Or maybe it's because the overall energy level decreased from Watcha Clan to Balle Tounkara to Lura. This, combined with my decreasing stage view (more people standing in front of me), led me to leave early. Oh well.
I didn't really socialize much. The WYOU lady did go out of her way to say hi to me, and that was nice, but I didn't really converse with anyone else. That's okay... I didn't really intend to. I would have liked to, but I didn't want to "force" anything. So I just sat back, enjoyed the weather, and enjoyed the music. All in all, a good experience, and I'm glad I did it.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
In My Own Head
So in my recovery I'm discovering something ... It's not good for me to remain "in my own head." I tend to think myself into the dumps. Woe is me. I'm messed up. Things will never get better. But if I "get out of myself," do something social, work on something productive, etc., I feel much better. I don't feel despondent, the despair lifts, etc.
What I don't like about this is how it sets me up to see my own head as my enemy. That is, my thoughts, feelings, opinions, predictions, analysis, etc. The stuff that I've always prided myself on. But now .. It's evil. I can't "go there." My head is a bad place to dwell.
What am I supposed to then? Not use my brain? Rely on other people and activities to keep me from imploding? I spent about 5 years of my life fighting against my own thoughts, and it was exhausting! Constantly monitoring my own thoughts, blocking anything that resembled sinful thinking, brain dumping daily to the scrutiny of others. I've vowed never to do that again! I'm sick of fighting against myself. My brain is not bad. Messed up, sure. But not inherently evil.
What I don't like about this is how it sets me up to see my own head as my enemy. That is, my thoughts, feelings, opinions, predictions, analysis, etc. The stuff that I've always prided myself on. But now .. It's evil. I can't "go there." My head is a bad place to dwell.
What am I supposed to then? Not use my brain? Rely on other people and activities to keep me from imploding? I spent about 5 years of my life fighting against my own thoughts, and it was exhausting! Constantly monitoring my own thoughts, blocking anything that resembled sinful thinking, brain dumping daily to the scrutiny of others. I've vowed never to do that again! I'm sick of fighting against myself. My brain is not bad. Messed up, sure. But not inherently evil.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Medication
Due to financial mismanagement, there was a period of about 3-4 days where I took less Anafranil than my prescribed dose, and had to skip Lisinopril and Hydrochlorothiazide altogether. I suppose I could have borrowed the money to cover it, but I decided to experiment a little.
Well, I suppose I should introduce all the medications I'm on. Here goes...
Fluoxetine (generic of Prozac): Kind of the workhorse of my recovery. I've tried to come down on this several times, but I always come back to it. Without it, I get horribly depressed. I'm currently at 40mg every morning with breakfast.
Clomipramine (generic of Anafranil): I was diagnosed as having "obsessive-compulsive features" to go along with my depression. So, I was prescribed the leading drug to combat OCD, Anafranil. And it worked! Within a few days, I was able to stop "looping" thoughts, and re-focus on a thread of my choosing. It also boosted my mood somewhat, affecting the whole seratonin system. (My pastor also talked me down from some faith issues that were feeding the loopy thoughts.)
Hydrochlorothiazide: I was diagnosed with High Blood Pressure a few months ago. Not "pre-hypertension," but the real deal. Like, we gotta get it down or you might have a stroke. Hydrochlorothiazide is a common "first line of defense." It's a diauretic, which means I have to pee more. The idea is that I pee out all the sodium, and that lowers my blood pressure. It made me pee more, but it didn't seem to affect my blood pressure.
Lisinopril: This, on the other hand, did lower it. A LOT. Maybe a little too much--I get kinda light-headed sometimes. It also had a couple of other pleasant effects. My headaches, which I'd been getting several times a week since I was a teenager, disappeared almost overnight. Cool! It also made me start losing weight. I went from hovering around 200, to hovering around 185. Cool!
So those meds are keeping my mood stable and my blood pressure at healthy levels. But .. I don't like medication! It has side effects. And it stops working after a while. And I tend to become dependent on medications. I DEFINITELY don't want any more dependencies! Anyway, I've been feeling better emotionally and physically, so I thought I'd take the opportunity to find out where I was at.
Unfortunately, the headaches came back almost immediately. After I first went on Lisinopril (about 2-3 months ago), and before I ran out, I had to use ibuproffen maybe two or three times. In the 3-4 days I was off Lisinopril, I had to use ibuproffen two or three times. That's like a 2000% increase. Sick.
I also noticed myself gaining some weight back. I weighed myself on Monday, and sure enough, I was back up to 193 (or thereabouts). My pants didn't fit me as loosely anymore.
I was expecting my mood to slip a lot more than it did. I lost a chunk of the easy breezy mellowness the boost in Anafranil gave me recently, but I wasn't affected too badly.
So .. yeah. I think I still need these meds. :( I HATE that I'm so dependent on medication. There are so many side effects that I don't like. But being a miserable wreck with constant headaches is more unpleasant than some spaciness, sweating, and other side effects. Still ... I hope one day to be off all this crap.
Well, I suppose I should introduce all the medications I'm on. Here goes...
Fluoxetine (generic of Prozac): Kind of the workhorse of my recovery. I've tried to come down on this several times, but I always come back to it. Without it, I get horribly depressed. I'm currently at 40mg every morning with breakfast.
Clomipramine (generic of Anafranil): I was diagnosed as having "obsessive-compulsive features" to go along with my depression. So, I was prescribed the leading drug to combat OCD, Anafranil. And it worked! Within a few days, I was able to stop "looping" thoughts, and re-focus on a thread of my choosing. It also boosted my mood somewhat, affecting the whole seratonin system. (My pastor also talked me down from some faith issues that were feeding the loopy thoughts.)
Hydrochlorothiazide: I was diagnosed with High Blood Pressure a few months ago. Not "pre-hypertension," but the real deal. Like, we gotta get it down or you might have a stroke. Hydrochlorothiazide is a common "first line of defense." It's a diauretic, which means I have to pee more. The idea is that I pee out all the sodium, and that lowers my blood pressure. It made me pee more, but it didn't seem to affect my blood pressure.
Lisinopril: This, on the other hand, did lower it. A LOT. Maybe a little too much--I get kinda light-headed sometimes. It also had a couple of other pleasant effects. My headaches, which I'd been getting several times a week since I was a teenager, disappeared almost overnight. Cool! It also made me start losing weight. I went from hovering around 200, to hovering around 185. Cool!
So those meds are keeping my mood stable and my blood pressure at healthy levels. But .. I don't like medication! It has side effects. And it stops working after a while. And I tend to become dependent on medications. I DEFINITELY don't want any more dependencies! Anyway, I've been feeling better emotionally and physically, so I thought I'd take the opportunity to find out where I was at.
Unfortunately, the headaches came back almost immediately. After I first went on Lisinopril (about 2-3 months ago), and before I ran out, I had to use ibuproffen maybe two or three times. In the 3-4 days I was off Lisinopril, I had to use ibuproffen two or three times. That's like a 2000% increase. Sick.
I also noticed myself gaining some weight back. I weighed myself on Monday, and sure enough, I was back up to 193 (or thereabouts). My pants didn't fit me as loosely anymore.
I was expecting my mood to slip a lot more than it did. I lost a chunk of the easy breezy mellowness the boost in Anafranil gave me recently, but I wasn't affected too badly.
So .. yeah. I think I still need these meds. :( I HATE that I'm so dependent on medication. There are so many side effects that I don't like. But being a miserable wreck with constant headaches is more unpleasant than some spaciness, sweating, and other side effects. Still ... I hope one day to be off all this crap.
Friday Night Magic - 7/3/09
Oy vey. Well, the good news is, I extended my perfect winless record at Friday Night Magic to 11 matches with 11 losses (one time I got a bye, but I don't count that one). The other good news is, I still had fun, though I was hoping to do a little better this time.
Well, I think I actually did a "little" better. I won two games, which isn't too bad. I should have won at least one more (and the match), but I drew a bad hand and I didn't mulligan. I only drew one land, (Savage Lands) and I hoped I would soon draw more ... but I didn't, and it cost me the game & match. Doh!
I did get to pick up some decent stuff in the rare draft, like Maelstrom Archangel, who will go well in a 5-color deck I'm planning on building at some point. So that's neat.
Well, I think I actually did a "little" better. I won two games, which isn't too bad. I should have won at least one more (and the match), but I drew a bad hand and I didn't mulligan. I only drew one land, (Savage Lands) and I hoped I would soon draw more ... but I didn't, and it cost me the game & match. Doh!
I did get to pick up some decent stuff in the rare draft, like Maelstrom Archangel, who will go well in a 5-color deck I'm planning on building at some point. So that's neat.
RIP - Michael Jackson
(originally posted in my other blog, 6/26/09)
I wasn't going to say anything about this, but since I'm actually developing an opinion about the whole thing, instead of letting it fester and eating me from the inside out like a dirty fungus, I thought I'd "get it out there" in a way that's somewhat cathartic.
I appreciate Michael Jackson as a very talented musician and performer. He really is the Elvis of my generation.
So what about all of his ... idiosyncrasies? I don't know. I didn't know Michael or anybody close to him. All I know is what the media tells me, which is obviously VERY slanted towards controversy, hysteria, and drama.
It is possible to deduce a few things about his life. First, he lived a very unique life that very few people will ever come close to. Performing since he was 5 years old, always in the spotlight. I hear his family life was .. well .. difficult. As someone who was forced into adult situation at an inappropriately young age, I understand how that kinda thing can damage a fragile growing person. And I can also understand (though I can't necessarily empathize) how super-mega-fame can really mess with someone's head.
Yeah, but wasn't he a god-damned child molester? Whether he did or not, I don't know, and neither do you. We only know what the media tells us, which I can guarantee is not the whole truth. What I DO know is: (1) childhood sexual abuse is devastating to a person, (2) abusers are almost always former victims of abuse themselves, and (3) every person, abuser, victim, or otherwise, is deserving of life and happiness as a human being with dignity, living responsibly.
I genuinely feel sorry for the guy, and his death saddens me. :(
I wasn't going to say anything about this, but since I'm actually developing an opinion about the whole thing, instead of letting it fester and eating me from the inside out like a dirty fungus, I thought I'd "get it out there" in a way that's somewhat cathartic.
I appreciate Michael Jackson as a very talented musician and performer. He really is the Elvis of my generation.
So what about all of his ... idiosyncrasies? I don't know. I didn't know Michael or anybody close to him. All I know is what the media tells me, which is obviously VERY slanted towards controversy, hysteria, and drama.
It is possible to deduce a few things about his life. First, he lived a very unique life that very few people will ever come close to. Performing since he was 5 years old, always in the spotlight. I hear his family life was .. well .. difficult. As someone who was forced into adult situation at an inappropriately young age, I understand how that kinda thing can damage a fragile growing person. And I can also understand (though I can't necessarily empathize) how super-mega-fame can really mess with someone's head.
Yeah, but wasn't he a god-damned child molester? Whether he did or not, I don't know, and neither do you. We only know what the media tells us, which I can guarantee is not the whole truth. What I DO know is: (1) childhood sexual abuse is devastating to a person, (2) abusers are almost always former victims of abuse themselves, and (3) every person, abuser, victim, or otherwise, is deserving of life and happiness as a human being with dignity, living responsibly.
I genuinely feel sorry for the guy, and his death saddens me. :(
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
RIP: My Marriage (2003-2009)
It's official ... My marriage with Zahra is ending in divorce. We've been separated since December of 2007, and I've known with increasing certainty since about a year ago that it was probably going to end, but it's confirmed.
The 10-second version of "why" is that we are absolutely wrong for each other. She and I are broken in deep-rooted ways which directly conflict with each other. It would be like if she were allergic to peanuts and my daily diet consisted of peanut butter. Neither thing is terrible by itself (though unfortunate), but together, it's a disaster waiting to happen.
We spent the last 5 years trying to repair what was never really working in the first place. We exhausted all of our resources ... money, time, energy, emotion, spiritual. We got help from anyone and everyone who would take the time to listen to our story. But in the end, the only way to heal a broken leg is to stop trying to run on it.
We loved each other very deeply and sincerely, and honestly only wanted the best for each other. We hurt each other (a lot), but not maliciously. We took "till death do us part" very seriously, going to any lengths to find recovery.
I believed (and still do) that our problems aren't (and would never be) impossible to overcome. I believe pretty strongly that almost anything can be overcome. But I've learned a hard lesson in all of this: What's the cost? I use the analogy of relocating to Alaska on foot. Is it possible? Of course. Pace yourself, be patient, and dress warm. But is it worth it? Alaska is a wonderful place. Majestic scenic beauty, lots of history, lots of nature .. A very mystical place. But it's also cold, harsh, and lonely. And the hike is extremely difficult and grueling. One slip in the Canadian Rockies could cost everything. Better to learn how to survive in Wisconsin.
So now I get to deal with the emotional rollercoaster ride. And this time I'm not getting off right away ... I gotta face my fears and regrets and deal with them. And figure out how to live without peanut butter outside of Alaska. Any advice would be welcome.
The 10-second version of "why" is that we are absolutely wrong for each other. She and I are broken in deep-rooted ways which directly conflict with each other. It would be like if she were allergic to peanuts and my daily diet consisted of peanut butter. Neither thing is terrible by itself (though unfortunate), but together, it's a disaster waiting to happen.
We spent the last 5 years trying to repair what was never really working in the first place. We exhausted all of our resources ... money, time, energy, emotion, spiritual. We got help from anyone and everyone who would take the time to listen to our story. But in the end, the only way to heal a broken leg is to stop trying to run on it.
We loved each other very deeply and sincerely, and honestly only wanted the best for each other. We hurt each other (a lot), but not maliciously. We took "till death do us part" very seriously, going to any lengths to find recovery.
I believed (and still do) that our problems aren't (and would never be) impossible to overcome. I believe pretty strongly that almost anything can be overcome. But I've learned a hard lesson in all of this: What's the cost? I use the analogy of relocating to Alaska on foot. Is it possible? Of course. Pace yourself, be patient, and dress warm. But is it worth it? Alaska is a wonderful place. Majestic scenic beauty, lots of history, lots of nature .. A very mystical place. But it's also cold, harsh, and lonely. And the hike is extremely difficult and grueling. One slip in the Canadian Rockies could cost everything. Better to learn how to survive in Wisconsin.
So now I get to deal with the emotional rollercoaster ride. And this time I'm not getting off right away ... I gotta face my fears and regrets and deal with them. And figure out how to live without peanut butter outside of Alaska. Any advice would be welcome.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Tribute to Camel
I finally forced myself to finish the Camel tribute I've been working on. Here's the link:
http://8bitcollective.com/members/arise_shine/
And here's some background:
The Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) was a video game console that gained worldwide popularity in the latter half of the 80's into the 90's, well-known for "classic" games like Super Mario Bros. and The Legend of Zelda. Most of you probably already know that. The system brought many innovations into the video game world, including graphics, gameplay, and sound. It was one of the first systems to feature actual musical "soundtracks" for most games. Musical themes from these games became ingrained in the consciousness of millions of video game freaks like myself.
Camel is a band whose heyday was in the mid-70's at the tail end of the British progressive rock "scene." They played a melodic kind of rock, sometimes rockin', sometimes mellow, sometimes goofy, sometimes intricately composed, sometimes jammin' ... often all in the space of one album. My favorite album of theirs is 1976's Moonmadness, which showcases some of the best of the band's composition and playing.
Eventually, someone had the brilliant idea of doing a rock band that plays video game music. One of my favorite bands, Minibosses, has done this to near-perfection. Parallel to that, someone else got the brilliant idea of composing new music for old video game systems. Thus the "chiptunes" "scene" was born.
As a long-time hobbyist musician, I've dabbled in computer-aided music composition, and I was intrigued by this whole thing. I discovered a program called FamiTracker created specifically for the purpose of composing music for the NES, and I just had to give it a try! One of the first things I tried to do was the opening melody from Camel's "Song Within a Song" (from Moonmadness). With user-submitted tablature and MIDI files as a guide, I eventually did the whole song, and I was quite pleased with the result. I listened to the whole album a few times, and I decided to rearrange the whole album in FamiTracker. And so I did! I call it "moonmadNES".
Most of it didn't take me that long to do. Looking at my profile page on 8bc, I finished the first 6 songs in 2-3 months. The last song, "Lunar Sea," is a 9-minute space-rock epic characterized by soaring melodic leads, spacy synth washes, and a persistent 5/8 beat. I completed most of it pretty quickly, but I got majorly stuck on the last part, which is a rip-roarin' full-speed guitar solo from Andy Latimer. I had a fairly easy time with the slower melodic leads with regular rhythmic timings, but that last guitar solo is filled with fast runs up, down, and all around the blues-rock scale. I had the tablature, which showed me exactly what notes are being played, but not the rhythmic timing. I was quickly dismayed that he didn't just use straight-forward 16th-note patterns (or any other multiple-of-2 patterns), but lots of free-flowing bursts of notes. I had to slow it down in Media Player and listen to it again and again, often taking an hour just to get one measure right. And even then, I had to just make stuff up for some of the faster runs. That's what took up the bulk of the last 5 months, that one freakin' guitar solo.
Anyway, so I procrastinated for a LONG time. But I forced myself to work on it one measure at a time (sometimes just one note at a time), and eventually I got 'er done. Well, it's not DONE done, but it's "done enough" for now. I plan on adding some "spiff" to the whole thing (mostly the drum parts), doing some "artwork" for it, doing a longer writeup, and "releasing" it in some fashion.
Thanks to everyone who helped and/or encouraged me on this thing: the uploaders of tablatures and/or MIDI files for many of the songs, fellow chiptune artists--mostly from The Shizz, the FamiTracker support board, the 8bc support board, and friends and farmily.
http://8bitcollective.com/members/arise_shine/
And here's some background:
The Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) was a video game console that gained worldwide popularity in the latter half of the 80's into the 90's, well-known for "classic" games like Super Mario Bros. and The Legend of Zelda. Most of you probably already know that. The system brought many innovations into the video game world, including graphics, gameplay, and sound. It was one of the first systems to feature actual musical "soundtracks" for most games. Musical themes from these games became ingrained in the consciousness of millions of video game freaks like myself.
Camel is a band whose heyday was in the mid-70's at the tail end of the British progressive rock "scene." They played a melodic kind of rock, sometimes rockin', sometimes mellow, sometimes goofy, sometimes intricately composed, sometimes jammin' ... often all in the space of one album. My favorite album of theirs is 1976's Moonmadness, which showcases some of the best of the band's composition and playing.
Eventually, someone had the brilliant idea of doing a rock band that plays video game music. One of my favorite bands, Minibosses, has done this to near-perfection. Parallel to that, someone else got the brilliant idea of composing new music for old video game systems. Thus the "chiptunes" "scene" was born.
As a long-time hobbyist musician, I've dabbled in computer-aided music composition, and I was intrigued by this whole thing. I discovered a program called FamiTracker created specifically for the purpose of composing music for the NES, and I just had to give it a try! One of the first things I tried to do was the opening melody from Camel's "Song Within a Song" (from Moonmadness). With user-submitted tablature and MIDI files as a guide, I eventually did the whole song, and I was quite pleased with the result. I listened to the whole album a few times, and I decided to rearrange the whole album in FamiTracker. And so I did! I call it "moonmadNES".
Most of it didn't take me that long to do. Looking at my profile page on 8bc, I finished the first 6 songs in 2-3 months. The last song, "Lunar Sea," is a 9-minute space-rock epic characterized by soaring melodic leads, spacy synth washes, and a persistent 5/8 beat. I completed most of it pretty quickly, but I got majorly stuck on the last part, which is a rip-roarin' full-speed guitar solo from Andy Latimer. I had a fairly easy time with the slower melodic leads with regular rhythmic timings, but that last guitar solo is filled with fast runs up, down, and all around the blues-rock scale. I had the tablature, which showed me exactly what notes are being played, but not the rhythmic timing. I was quickly dismayed that he didn't just use straight-forward 16th-note patterns (or any other multiple-of-2 patterns), but lots of free-flowing bursts of notes. I had to slow it down in Media Player and listen to it again and again, often taking an hour just to get one measure right. And even then, I had to just make stuff up for some of the faster runs. That's what took up the bulk of the last 5 months, that one freakin' guitar solo.
Anyway, so I procrastinated for a LONG time. But I forced myself to work on it one measure at a time (sometimes just one note at a time), and eventually I got 'er done. Well, it's not DONE done, but it's "done enough" for now. I plan on adding some "spiff" to the whole thing (mostly the drum parts), doing some "artwork" for it, doing a longer writeup, and "releasing" it in some fashion.
Thanks to everyone who helped and/or encouraged me on this thing: the uploaders of tablatures and/or MIDI files for many of the songs, fellow chiptune artists--mostly from The Shizz, the FamiTracker support board, the 8bc support board, and friends and farmily.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Despair
An analogy:
I am in an infernal valley of miserable, suffocating heat. The only way up is a slow, tedious, treacherous climb up a winding narrow path hugging the rugged mountainside. At any time, if I slip, I fall down, bouncing off the rocks like a nightmarish Pachinko. I'm not sure if the path ever goes anywhere, but people tell me the important thing is staying on the path. It's very stressful, and there's no real safety mechanism in place--only my will not to step off the path.
I've been doing this for over half a decade. Climbing the path, falling back down, bouncing between suffocating misery, maddening stress, staggering pain, and aches and bruises that never seem to fully heal. Actually, if you count the rest of the time I've spent in the infernal valley, I've been in this scenario for most of my life that I can remember.
I am in an infernal valley of miserable, suffocating heat. The only way up is a slow, tedious, treacherous climb up a winding narrow path hugging the rugged mountainside. At any time, if I slip, I fall down, bouncing off the rocks like a nightmarish Pachinko. I'm not sure if the path ever goes anywhere, but people tell me the important thing is staying on the path. It's very stressful, and there's no real safety mechanism in place--only my will not to step off the path.
I've been doing this for over half a decade. Climbing the path, falling back down, bouncing between suffocating misery, maddening stress, staggering pain, and aches and bruises that never seem to fully heal. Actually, if you count the rest of the time I've spent in the infernal valley, I've been in this scenario for most of my life that I can remember.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
"Alara Reborn" Launch Party
I went to the Magic: the Gathering "Alara Reborn" release event today. Highlights were getting a bunch of new cards, getting to play a few games, and scoring my first non-loss (a 1-1-1 tie), and my first win (2-1). Yay! There's hope for me yet.
The main event was a "sealed" thingy. Everyone gets 6 booster packs (3 "Shards of Alara" and 3 of the newst expansion, "Alara Reborn"), and a half an hour to throw together a 40+ card deck. Nothing in my packs really jumped out at me as being super duper "I gotta play this!" awesome, so I grabbed a few cards that looked interesting and put together a deck. I proceeded to get my butt kicked the first two matches, extending my perfect losing record to 0-7.
My two more experienced opponents gave me some pointers, and I scaled my deck back significantly, going from 4 colors to 3. The result was a much more consistent mana base, and I was actually able to play some of my cards!
The result being, I eked out my first non-loss. He won one, I won one, and we ran out of time before he could finish me off in Game 3. So we tied. Yay! Then in the last match, my opponent had consistent mana problems, and I was able to win 2-1 pretty easily. Cool! So I went 1-2-1 for the day, bringing me to 1-5-1 overall. Not bad. :)
Yeah, it was fun. I was a nervous wreck emotionally, but the mental workout was worth it. I found that the strategy of building and tweaking a deck is very intellectually stimulating. Studying all the different cards, learning each color's "personality," thinking about how it all works together. And the game itself is a lot of fun, even though I spent much of the time reading all the cards as they were played (since I'm not familiar with what they do). Good stuff.
I played more often around 1994-95, and I had a good time, but then all my Magic-playing friends scattered to the four winds. As I mentioned earlier, I became interested again, and I've been enjoying it. I just wish I could find a group to play with where I don't have to pay $15 to play a small number of matches at a store. And that's where the weight of social awkwardness drags me down. Sigh...
Oh well, it's still fun. :)
The main event was a "sealed" thingy. Everyone gets 6 booster packs (3 "Shards of Alara" and 3 of the newst expansion, "Alara Reborn"), and a half an hour to throw together a 40+ card deck. Nothing in my packs really jumped out at me as being super duper "I gotta play this!" awesome, so I grabbed a few cards that looked interesting and put together a deck. I proceeded to get my butt kicked the first two matches, extending my perfect losing record to 0-7.
My two more experienced opponents gave me some pointers, and I scaled my deck back significantly, going from 4 colors to 3. The result was a much more consistent mana base, and I was actually able to play some of my cards!
The result being, I eked out my first non-loss. He won one, I won one, and we ran out of time before he could finish me off in Game 3. So we tied. Yay! Then in the last match, my opponent had consistent mana problems, and I was able to win 2-1 pretty easily. Cool! So I went 1-2-1 for the day, bringing me to 1-5-1 overall. Not bad. :)
Yeah, it was fun. I was a nervous wreck emotionally, but the mental workout was worth it. I found that the strategy of building and tweaking a deck is very intellectually stimulating. Studying all the different cards, learning each color's "personality," thinking about how it all works together. And the game itself is a lot of fun, even though I spent much of the time reading all the cards as they were played (since I'm not familiar with what they do). Good stuff.
I played more often around 1994-95, and I had a good time, but then all my Magic-playing friends scattered to the four winds. As I mentioned earlier, I became interested again, and I've been enjoying it. I just wish I could find a group to play with where I don't have to pay $15 to play a small number of matches at a store. And that's where the weight of social awkwardness drags me down. Sigh...
Oh well, it's still fun. :)
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Insight
So here I am, trudging the proverbial road. I've backed away from my addiction, and I'm experiencing the downs and ups of sober life. Mostly downs, but I'm getting glimpses of ups, and it's kinda cool.
I'm finding there are (at least) two distinct sides of me with little overlap. There's the despair, lonely, frustrated, depressed, terrified, unmotivated, doom, gloom, etc. part of me. Everything seems hopeless, frustrating, dark ... And then there's the more even, lucid, positive, open, "free" side of me. Things seem more "sane," possible, surmountable, manageable. When I'm in one or the other, it's hard for me to see the other side.
Kinda like the "light world" and "dark world" from The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past for the SNES, if you remember that. In the game, there was the normal "Hyrule" world, and a dark, gloomy, decaying "dark world," that was similar to the "light world," but, well, darker. More dangerous, treacherous, etc. While he was in the dark world, he faced monsters, dungeons, etc. strictly belonging to the dark world, with no interaction with the light world. And vice-versa. Link had a mirror that he could use to magically transport himself from the dark world back to the light world. I need something like that.. when I find myself overwhelmed in my own dark world, to magically transport myself back into "the light" of sanity and manageability.
I'm finding there are (at least) two distinct sides of me with little overlap. There's the despair, lonely, frustrated, depressed, terrified, unmotivated, doom, gloom, etc. part of me. Everything seems hopeless, frustrating, dark ... And then there's the more even, lucid, positive, open, "free" side of me. Things seem more "sane," possible, surmountable, manageable. When I'm in one or the other, it's hard for me to see the other side.
Kinda like the "light world" and "dark world" from The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past for the SNES, if you remember that. In the game, there was the normal "Hyrule" world, and a dark, gloomy, decaying "dark world," that was similar to the "light world," but, well, darker. More dangerous, treacherous, etc. While he was in the dark world, he faced monsters, dungeons, etc. strictly belonging to the dark world, with no interaction with the light world. And vice-versa. Link had a mirror that he could use to magically transport himself from the dark world back to the light world. I need something like that.. when I find myself overwhelmed in my own dark world, to magically transport myself back into "the light" of sanity and manageability.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Friday Night Magic
[Some background ... Magic: The Gathering is a collectible trading card game, based on players being sorcerers and duking it out with magical spells & creatures. It's very geeky. I used to play it some 12-15 years ago when it first came out, but not much since. I've become interested in it again recently, and I thought I'd check it out.]
Just got back from Friday Night Magic at a local gaming store store. Wow. What a whirlwind of a psychological assault on my fragile psyche! I was very anxious, and I pretty much turtled up and tried to "take it all in."
Socially, the event was pretty much dominated by a group of about 6-8 high schoolers who all knew each other, and seemed to know the game quite well. Lots of sarcasm and profanity. There were a couple of other "professional" types kinda like me (I think), and a couple-three other random nerds. But the teenagers dominated.
The format of the event was a "Booster Draft." Each person gets three Magic "Booster Packs" (a pack of 15 random cards), and everyone takes turns "drafting" cards from each pack. Then you flesh out your deck, and play a few matches (best 2 out of 3 games). I did my best, but I think I did something fundamentally wrong (or probably several things) in putting my deck together. I got my butt kicked every game. Like, not even close. I think if you totaled all of the damage I did in all 4 games I played, I wouldn't be surprised if it wouldn't have added up to win a single game. Also, every card played, I had to do a verbal "pause" while I read the card to see what it did.
I've confirmed that I am socially and emotionally retarded. People make me very uncomfortable, and I turn that into judgment against them. Probably an attempt to make myself feel better about myself, to make myself feel less like a complete [swear word] freak.
I've known for a while that I really respond when people are nice to me, but I'm realizing just how desperate I am for someone to be nice to me. The highlight of the night for me was not playing the game, not meeting people, not even being around people, but it was one guy who introduced himself to me and shook my hand. And I feel like that is completely pathetic.
I wonder if I'll ever get better. If I'll ever be able to live a life that isn't unstable and miserable. If I'll ever have success with anything. I hate myself.
A Rush lyric comes to mind ... "Any escape might help to smooth the unattractive truth, but the suburbs have no charms to soothe the restless dreams of youth."
Just got back from Friday Night Magic at a local gaming store store. Wow. What a whirlwind of a psychological assault on my fragile psyche! I was very anxious, and I pretty much turtled up and tried to "take it all in."
Socially, the event was pretty much dominated by a group of about 6-8 high schoolers who all knew each other, and seemed to know the game quite well. Lots of sarcasm and profanity. There were a couple of other "professional" types kinda like me (I think), and a couple-three other random nerds. But the teenagers dominated.
The format of the event was a "Booster Draft." Each person gets three Magic "Booster Packs" (a pack of 15 random cards), and everyone takes turns "drafting" cards from each pack. Then you flesh out your deck, and play a few matches (best 2 out of 3 games). I did my best, but I think I did something fundamentally wrong (or probably several things) in putting my deck together. I got my butt kicked every game. Like, not even close. I think if you totaled all of the damage I did in all 4 games I played, I wouldn't be surprised if it wouldn't have added up to win a single game. Also, every card played, I had to do a verbal "pause" while I read the card to see what it did.
I've confirmed that I am socially and emotionally retarded. People make me very uncomfortable, and I turn that into judgment against them. Probably an attempt to make myself feel better about myself, to make myself feel less like a complete [swear word] freak.
I've known for a while that I really respond when people are nice to me, but I'm realizing just how desperate I am for someone to be nice to me. The highlight of the night for me was not playing the game, not meeting people, not even being around people, but it was one guy who introduced himself to me and shook my hand. And I feel like that is completely pathetic.
I wonder if I'll ever get better. If I'll ever be able to live a life that isn't unstable and miserable. If I'll ever have success with anything. I hate myself.
A Rush lyric comes to mind ... "Any escape might help to smooth the unattractive truth, but the suburbs have no charms to soothe the restless dreams of youth."
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Blood Pressure Meds + Viral Infection + Exercise = Fun
I just wanted to mention how much fun my body is having today. I've been sick for a few days, and today I've got the coughies. My lungs seem to be generating a constant supply of superfluous mucus. On top of that, my latest blood pressure medicine is kicking in, and I've been feeling kinda lightheaded from that.
And so on top of that, I got in a good hour-plus at the gym. I definitely felt the effect of the meds and being sick. I wasn't able to push myself nearly as hard as I usually do, and I could feel my heart and lungs working extra to get the proper nutrients to the proper muscles. I actually had to stop early because I started feeling really lightheaded and my hands were going numb.
It's interesting to notice and feel all of these things happening to my own body. How one little thing can affect so many other things that change my experience of life, and even my behavior. How getting a random common cold and taking a little pill and running in place on a machine can make my head dizzy and my hands numb.
There's a life lesson and/or spiritual metaphor in there somewhere, but I'm not up to the task of digging it out. Sorry.
And so on top of that, I got in a good hour-plus at the gym. I definitely felt the effect of the meds and being sick. I wasn't able to push myself nearly as hard as I usually do, and I could feel my heart and lungs working extra to get the proper nutrients to the proper muscles. I actually had to stop early because I started feeling really lightheaded and my hands were going numb.
It's interesting to notice and feel all of these things happening to my own body. How one little thing can affect so many other things that change my experience of life, and even my behavior. How getting a random common cold and taking a little pill and running in place on a machine can make my head dizzy and my hands numb.
There's a life lesson and/or spiritual metaphor in there somewhere, but I'm not up to the task of digging it out. Sorry.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Music Review: Rush - Retrospective 3 (1989-2008) (CD/DVD)
If you have more than a casual interest in rock music, chances are you're at least somewhat familiar with the music of Rush, and chances are that you've formed an opinion. The most common opinions are adulation, and befuddled indifference (generally a male/female divide, respectively). They are well known for a heady brand of classic hard rock, characterized by ambitious musical forms and intellectual lyrics, as in their early-80's rock radio staples "Tom Sawyer" and "The Spirit of Radio."
During the 1980's, Rush abandoned the heavy "concept" approach to music, and spent their efforts honing their songwriting craft. They explored a synthesizer-heavy sound, with lots of keyboards and foot pedals being used to generate massive amounts of electronic sounds onstage (and on record). After 1987's "Hold Your Fire," the band took a step back, and realized that it was time to get back to basics. 1989's "Presto" is a step in this direction, and over the next two decades, they succeeded in reinventing themselves as a ROCK band. "Retrospective 3" is an overview of the fruits of their labor.
Throughout this period, Rush concerts tended to include mostly tried-and-true classics, interspersed with obligatory newer tunes. Not surprisingly, the newer tunes tended to get overlooked, in favor of the familiar crowd-pleasers. And that's a shame, because the band has managed to make some excellent musical statements.
Kicking off the compilation (or double-kicking, as in double kick drums), is the bold "One Little Victory," featuring pounding drums, thick riffing, and relatively simple, uplifting lyrics about how "the greatest act can be one little victory." "Dreamline" follows, an anthemic musical picture of the excitement of chasing dreams through starry skies and sandy deserts. And so it continues ...
One thing that strikes me throughout this compilation, is how much the band has matured throughout its lengthy career. Drummer Neil Peart's lyrics have more often than not seemed to come from the left half of his brain, but with the benefit of experience, I see an emerging sensitivity to the emotional, holistic side of things. For example, "Animate" is a thought-provoking presentation of Jungian ideas of man's feminine side. "The Pass" is a sensitive, passionate plea to the suicidal not to "[lose] the will to fight." "Earthshine," one of my personal favorites, is a beautiful picture of two lovers, aglow in each other's presence.
Musically, the band members have taken steps back from the instrumental gymnastics that had been their hallmark. They have not dumbed down their musical expression at all, but have focused more on feeling and texture than on agility. On the aforementioned "Animate," the band takes a calmer, more "groove-oriented" approach to their rock style to complement the lyrical themes. Interestingly, the band's efforts to recapture their original "heavy" sound comes to full fruition on "Earthshine," making it one of the heaviest love songs ever written. Guitarist Alex Lifeson also returns to the acoustic guitar on several tracks. All in all, this is no longer a band out to impress everyone with their chops. They made their point that they can play; now they try to settle down and create some good tunes.
However, even as a fan, I can't say that I can get behind all of the band's explorations over the last couple decades. "Driven" attempts to be a more typical "Rushian" expression of being, well, driven crazy, with its heavy odd-meter riffing and lyrics about being "driven to the edge of a deep, dark hole," but it comes across as forced, failing to capture that crazy spiraling, "out of control" feeling as on earlier works like "Cygnus X-1" or "Natural Science." Most notably, the title track from 1991's "Roll the Bones" contains a most embarrassing, miserable foray into the then-budding genre of rap-rock. "Jack, relax, get busy with the facts," singer/bassist Geddy Lee "raps." Okay ... FACT: Rush is white. FACT: Rush is Canadian. FACT: "Roll the Bones" sucks. There, I said it.
For the fans, there are two remixes from their notoriously sonically poor 2002 recording "Vapor Trails." Yes, it sounds better, but no, it's not perfect (the drums and bass sound significantly weaker and drier). Also included is a live recording of "Ghost of a Chance," a gem from 1991's "Roll the Bones." I like it.
The DVD is mostly a collection of music videos from this era of the band. They range from embarrassingly cheesy ("Roll the Bones"), to bland, to decently well done ("The Pass," "Malignant Narcissism"). Also included are three live tracks: "The Seeker," a Who cover, "Secret Touch," a rocker from "Vapor Trails," and a stripped-down acoustic "Resist" from 1997's "Test for Echo." As a bonus, we get to see the band's first TV performance in 30+ years, an appearance on "The Colbert Report," conducting an interview and playing their classic "Tom Sawyer." Good stuff.
Compilations can be tricky things. Especially when you're a band with a long public career and established canon. How can you repackage the same half-dozen songs over and over? "Retrospective 3" avoids this trap by specifically focusing on the often overlooked "modern" era of the band. It shows that Rush as a band has continued to (*ahem*) progress, continuing to push their abilities and grow as musicians. And in the process, they've made some great music. Well done.
For more info, check out www.rush.com or www.rushisaband.com.
During the 1980's, Rush abandoned the heavy "concept" approach to music, and spent their efforts honing their songwriting craft. They explored a synthesizer-heavy sound, with lots of keyboards and foot pedals being used to generate massive amounts of electronic sounds onstage (and on record). After 1987's "Hold Your Fire," the band took a step back, and realized that it was time to get back to basics. 1989's "Presto" is a step in this direction, and over the next two decades, they succeeded in reinventing themselves as a ROCK band. "Retrospective 3" is an overview of the fruits of their labor.
Throughout this period, Rush concerts tended to include mostly tried-and-true classics, interspersed with obligatory newer tunes. Not surprisingly, the newer tunes tended to get overlooked, in favor of the familiar crowd-pleasers. And that's a shame, because the band has managed to make some excellent musical statements.
Kicking off the compilation (or double-kicking, as in double kick drums), is the bold "One Little Victory," featuring pounding drums, thick riffing, and relatively simple, uplifting lyrics about how "the greatest act can be one little victory." "Dreamline" follows, an anthemic musical picture of the excitement of chasing dreams through starry skies and sandy deserts. And so it continues ...
One thing that strikes me throughout this compilation, is how much the band has matured throughout its lengthy career. Drummer Neil Peart's lyrics have more often than not seemed to come from the left half of his brain, but with the benefit of experience, I see an emerging sensitivity to the emotional, holistic side of things. For example, "Animate" is a thought-provoking presentation of Jungian ideas of man's feminine side. "The Pass" is a sensitive, passionate plea to the suicidal not to "[lose] the will to fight." "Earthshine," one of my personal favorites, is a beautiful picture of two lovers, aglow in each other's presence.
Musically, the band members have taken steps back from the instrumental gymnastics that had been their hallmark. They have not dumbed down their musical expression at all, but have focused more on feeling and texture than on agility. On the aforementioned "Animate," the band takes a calmer, more "groove-oriented" approach to their rock style to complement the lyrical themes. Interestingly, the band's efforts to recapture their original "heavy" sound comes to full fruition on "Earthshine," making it one of the heaviest love songs ever written. Guitarist Alex Lifeson also returns to the acoustic guitar on several tracks. All in all, this is no longer a band out to impress everyone with their chops. They made their point that they can play; now they try to settle down and create some good tunes.
However, even as a fan, I can't say that I can get behind all of the band's explorations over the last couple decades. "Driven" attempts to be a more typical "Rushian" expression of being, well, driven crazy, with its heavy odd-meter riffing and lyrics about being "driven to the edge of a deep, dark hole," but it comes across as forced, failing to capture that crazy spiraling, "out of control" feeling as on earlier works like "Cygnus X-1" or "Natural Science." Most notably, the title track from 1991's "Roll the Bones" contains a most embarrassing, miserable foray into the then-budding genre of rap-rock. "Jack, relax, get busy with the facts," singer/bassist Geddy Lee "raps." Okay ... FACT: Rush is white. FACT: Rush is Canadian. FACT: "Roll the Bones" sucks. There, I said it.
For the fans, there are two remixes from their notoriously sonically poor 2002 recording "Vapor Trails." Yes, it sounds better, but no, it's not perfect (the drums and bass sound significantly weaker and drier). Also included is a live recording of "Ghost of a Chance," a gem from 1991's "Roll the Bones." I like it.
The DVD is mostly a collection of music videos from this era of the band. They range from embarrassingly cheesy ("Roll the Bones"), to bland, to decently well done ("The Pass," "Malignant Narcissism"). Also included are three live tracks: "The Seeker," a Who cover, "Secret Touch," a rocker from "Vapor Trails," and a stripped-down acoustic "Resist" from 1997's "Test for Echo." As a bonus, we get to see the band's first TV performance in 30+ years, an appearance on "The Colbert Report," conducting an interview and playing their classic "Tom Sawyer." Good stuff.
Compilations can be tricky things. Especially when you're a band with a long public career and established canon. How can you repackage the same half-dozen songs over and over? "Retrospective 3" avoids this trap by specifically focusing on the often overlooked "modern" era of the band. It shows that Rush as a band has continued to (*ahem*) progress, continuing to push their abilities and grow as musicians. And in the process, they've made some great music. Well done.
For more info, check out www.rush.com or www.rushisaband.com.
First Post
#include <stdio.h>
int main()
{
printf("Hello, World!\n");
return 0;
}
Hi, and welcome to my blog. I've been pondering this for a few years, and I've decided to make the plunge. I hope this doesn't take up too much of my free time. This is mostly going to be a forum whereupon I get to make periodic brain dumps on topics that interest me. They may or may not interest you as well. I'll let you decide.
Some of the things I plan on posting on include music, religion and spirituality, recovery, current events, relationships, emotions .. whatever. To start with, I'll just port over a couple of Facebook notes, and then I'll go from there. Or maybe not.
Anyway, enjoy. Or not.
int main()
{
printf("Hello, World!\n");
return 0;
}
Hi, and welcome to my blog. I've been pondering this for a few years, and I've decided to make the plunge. I hope this doesn't take up too much of my free time. This is mostly going to be a forum whereupon I get to make periodic brain dumps on topics that interest me. They may or may not interest you as well. I'll let you decide.
Some of the things I plan on posting on include music, religion and spirituality, recovery, current events, relationships, emotions .. whatever. To start with, I'll just port over a couple of Facebook notes, and then I'll go from there. Or maybe not.
Anyway, enjoy. Or not.
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I went to the Magic: the Gathering "Alara Reborn" release event today. Highlights were getting a bunch of new cards, getting to pl...
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This and other images linked from Wikipedia. I. Intro People who know me know, I love progressive rock. It started when I became a Rush fan ...
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[content warning: mental health, depression, suicide, evangelicalism] ... My friend Mike died in February of this year to suicide. He was a ...
